Coaching Her to Another Orgasm

Women have the capacity for many orgasms in a session. But they just don’t happen. If a woman isn’t already multiorgasmic then she (and you) will need to teach her body how to come more than once. This could take a few weeks or even several months! In most cases she is used to having an orgasm and just cooling down. But there is a short period right after orgasm where she will probably not be interested in additional stimulation. Scientists debate whether this is a true refractory period or not. Men during this period cannot ejaculate again.

The key here is to keep her warmed up but not over stimulated. See if she will allow you to do this even if she doesn’t feel interested. Let her know it will help to get her body going in a few minutes. You can continue to kiss her and massage her but most likely she will not want any contact on her nipples or clitoris due to oversensitivity.Kissing her neck, her back, thighs and other erogenous zones is a good idea. Hold her in your arms. Avoid groping and being aggressive just yet. It is like you are starting all over again.

Depending upon how she had the first orgasm, you may need to use a different sexual technique or position for the second round. For example, if it was through oral sex, it is highly unlikely she wants that same stimulation on her clitoris again. It can even hurt. She may warm up to you and it just may remain too sensitive. That is why communication is so important. So you may want to make love to her (penis in vagina sex) or focus on her g-spot using your penis or fingers. Intercourse may be another option. If you were having intercourse already, slow down the strokes so that you can continue. Use your hands and mouth to build the tension back up. Then you can increase speed and find a rhythm that will allow her to come again when she is ready. Another orgasm may even require a different position. If she was on her back before, then flip her over to her stomach and enter her from behind. She can be either lying down or in a doggie style position allowing you to focus on different areas within her vagina. A position between these two would be propping her hips up on several pillows or using a device such as The Liberator to help you. These are wedge and roll shapes used to make different sex positions much easier. Whatever the position, get foreplay started right away. But start off slow again. Just keep it going by doing little things she likes.  If she cools down too much then it’s all over!

The whole process takes some trial and error and practice. Some days she may be tired, stressed or even have lots on her mind so no matter what you do, she will not have another orgasm. Don’t get frustrated. Be patient and communicate. Ask her to tell you how she is feeling and if she wants you to keep doing what you are doing. If she is usually quiet, let her know you need her help and will be talking to her a little during sex and checking in with her.

Few women really know their orgasmic potential. It takes a special man to help a woman explore her possibilities.

Quit Rabbiting!

I was perusing the internet and I found a term that made me laugh out loud. The word “rabbiting” was used to describe the hurried almost desperate in-and-out motions of a man “thinking” he is making love. But I have no idea how men are supposed to learn these things.

Even though I got a good laugh, a real point was made. Humping up and down does not work for women sexually most of the the time. Women need men who understand the stroke! Let’s see. How can I explain. Imagine that Latino dancer gyrating his hips from left to right, in circles or figure eights. You have seen the African dancers swirling their hips an humping in a undulating motion up and down, right? Well, that is how you are supposed to reach those spots inside you woman. These men have been practicing all their lives! If you think a dance is just a dance then well, I bet you are already in need of some stroke tips!

Using different strokes in a undulating fashion provides both deep and shallow movements allowing your women to find the stroke or strokes that do it for her that day. I know we change too much. But our cycles and hormones cause us to have changes in our moods, sexual sensitivity, horniness, etc.  Varying your stroke and position will also allow you to tap her g-spot in just the right fashion.

If you want to blow her mind get in push-up position and practice different strokes! Make sure you are able to keep up with the rhythm you have set for making love. It is important that you stay on beat. Rabbiting or even stroking all willy nilly without rhythm can be really frustrating. It will back track an orgasm with the quickness! The rhythm you establish together is what builds her orgasm. Find the stoke and the rhythm of movement that makes your lover see fireworks.

Give yourself time. Stroke work takes practice. But your lover will be grateful.

When Male Masturbation Goes Wrong

As a hypnotherapist specializing in sexual dysfunction, I really wish all men knew how certain types of masturbation is a detriment.  Constant masturbation stemming from early years that is hurried (to avoid being caught) teaches the body that sexual stimulation is supposed to come fast and hard. Practicing this method year after year can lead to premature ejaculation when with a women. Your body want to race to the finish line and win the prize (orgasm)!

No, I am not saying don’t masturbate. It is natural and we know orgasms are healthy. But I will say slow it down and loosen up on the grip. Avoid reinforcing behaviors you do not want when you are with a woman.

Sex and Hypnosis?

Sex and hypnosis are two of my favorite topics especially when combined!!  Many people don’t know how sex and hypnosis can be very closely related. Hypnosis can be used for many forms of sexual dysfunction and also sexual enhancement.

Hypnosis is commonly used to help persons with a variety of problems such as phobias, anxiety, smoking, pain, etc. But did you know that hypnosis can be used for n0norganic sexual problems which are those not stemming from a medical issue. For example, a man dealing with premature ejaculation may have all his plumbing in order but something is going on inside his head to keep him from taking his time during sexual intercourse.  Another example is a woman who finds penetration too painful. Her body is fine, but due to some previous experiences her mind causes her body to act out the fear of that previous experience. Persons with these types of problems who have ruled out any medical causes may visit a hypnotist or hypnotherapist for help. Other uses for hypnosis include erectile dysfunction, vaginismus, impotence, lack of orgasm in females and dyspareunia (pain) in both males and females.

On the other side of the spectrum is sexual enhancement where hypnosis is used to enhance the sexual experience. People who are interested in fantasies and erotica (like the romance novels) may purchase audio CD’s/MP3’s which enhance fantasies. This can also be done in office for a variety of reasons.  Under hypnosis, when a person uses visualization say to prepare for a sports game or competition, they are able to see the scene, hear the sounds and even smell the smells more vividly. Similarly, in a fantasy situation, listening to the scenes as described by the person on the audio (usually with a sexy voice) or in the office can help improve the mental experience. I call it mental porn. I am assuming most people are listening to the audio for solo sex. The interesting thing I found about these audios is that they are made for anyone and everyone whether you are heterosexual, gay, bisexual, etc….just like erotic novels. I am sure you can not only find a story about the type of lover you want but also story lines about any kink or fetishes that you desire.

A third category of hypnosis and sex would be considered more of an enhancement.  As mentioned above some hypnotists will provide an erotic subconscious scenario for the client to engage in, but they can also use this in a hypnosis session as part of therapy. Usually the goal here is not a fantasy per se although a client may be asked to do some visualization. In order to improve future sexual experiences the client will be given suggestions under hypnosis. Because I use hypnosis to help sports clients, I find this to be a good analogy. A goal for a basketball player may be to move faster, improve statistics and increase confidence. Each of these can be easily addressed in a few hypnosis sessions. Similarly, hypnosis and other techniques can be used to boost clients’ sexual confidence, prolong and increase orgasm intensity, gain more control over sexual organs so that sex lasts longer, etc.  Clients coming in to deal with sexual issues may wish to not only work on their problems but to eventually have heightened experiences. Similarly, a client with no history of dysfunction may choose to have several sessions with the only purpose being to improve his or her sex life.

What is Foreplay Really About?

When we think of foreplay, what often comes to mind is “getting her ready.”  OK, that is true. Foreplay does prepare a woman’s body for the sexual encounter by increasing her natural lubrication. But what I want to discuss is what it does mentally. Women with wet vaginas can have sex. But that does not mean she is ready.Jumping right into sex too early leads to weaker, shorter orgasms. So it is very important that you do not rush through foreplay. You definitely want her orgasms to be more intense.

Being ready  means she is turned on (horny) and feeling a high level of anticipation, excitement and sexual tension! She should be at the point where sex is almost impossible to resist and she needs it in order to relieve the built up tension. As her lover, make sure you prolong foreplay as long as she needs you to. Start off with a back rub, foot massage  or a body massage to relax her. One of the reasons why women do not have orgasms is that they cannot relax. Avoid sexual areas at first. Allow her to release the stress from work, the kids or her busy day. Then work your way into more sexual touching. Pay attention to her body. Watch what she is doing. Listen to the sounds she is making. Tell her you enjoy hearing these sounds and seeing her turned on. This opens the door for her to be more comfortable so she can open up and let loose. She will signal you, even if it is subtle to move on to more intimate touching and kissing. Oblige her when she is ready.