Great Sex with Erectile Dysfunction

Over 30 million men in the US are dealing with erectile dysfunction (ED) and are unable to sustain an erection to have sex. This could be due to age, prostate cancer, diabetes or other illness, physical damage (e.g. car accident) or even medication which causes ED. But the end result is often the same: a degrading or nonexistent sex life. This does not have to be the case. While it would be great if the medical community addressed this issue, it is unlikely that patients will be offered some type of coaching or counseling to help them maintain or reestablish their sex life.

Even if you cannot have intercourse (penis in vagina sex) there are still many sex acts which you can participate in such as Tantric body and sexual massage, oral sex, manual stimulation, etc. If you have some function, you can work with your lover to receive pleasure based on the abilities you do have.

Communication is very important. Your lover needs to understand how your are feeling, your current abilities and frustration levels and how you envision maintaining a sex life. Set goals together to communicate and to have sex. Plan fun romantic dates that include role play, sexy foods or even sex toys! Read romance or erotic novels together. Erotic novels tend to have more explicit sexual scenes which might be a turn on for both of you. Increase your time spent on foreplay. Make intimacy which includes hugs, kissing, squeezes and maybe even a few light butt slaps a regular part of daily time together. If anything you are reading today is new to you, consider adding them into your bag of tricks! Just click on blog above for many new ideas.

Remember, your lover may be frustrated even it is not outwardly visible. We are sexual beings so it will be up to you to make sure you are not being sexually selfish. Give your lover great oral sex. Learn to use your hands to give your lover orgasms. Know the different g-spot techniques so she can have multiple orgasms. There will be times when you may not “feel like it” or your situation may be such that you do not want sex at all. Still, take care of your lover and express your love through regular intimacy and by gifting a few orgasms.

Would you like help maneuvering through this stressful time? Have you given up on a great sex life but are realizing now it is not too late, your sex life doesn’t have to be over? Dr. Harris offers private coaching by phone and 3-month programs. Persons in relationship with someone who has ED are also encouraged to get help to learn how to provide support and help maintain a great sex life. You can go here to sign up for an appointment: https://www.simplyappointments.com/dr-harris/ Save Save

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First Thrust

First thrust

A man’s thrust game is important. Sex isn’t about sticking it in and pounding till the cows come home! There are numerous techniques that can be used to stimulate a woman. We will have that discussion in the near future. But for now, I want to discuss the first thrust. Probably no one has ever mentioned it to you, but the first thrust lays the ground work for everything that comes next. During sex, a woman has allowed herself to be in one of the most vulnerable positions that she could ever experience. She is submitting to you and allowing you to enter into her body. Not just her body, but her sacred space (yoni). It can be very emotional. The time just before you penetrate your woman, she (hopefully) is highly aroused and ready to receive you. But she can never really know what is coming until it happens. Will you go fast? Slow? Deep? Shallow? Is she a little more sensitive down there today or wetter than usual? Will the angle and position she is in cause you to go really deep? The anticipation builds… If there are any traces of fear or if she hasn’t had sex in some time, she may unconsciously tighten up a little. If she is relaxed and comfortable, she may open like a flower beckoning you.

As you push your way inside, stretching her walls and pressing into her deep spot, the feeling can be so powerful yet unexplainable. That first thrust is unlike all the others that follow. All she can do is gasp and hold on as you overpower her with your manhood. Next time you make love to your woman honor this brief moment.  Secretly watch and enjoy the face she makes, the sound of her breath or her moan as the two of you become one. Feel the warmth and wetness of her walls as they envelop you. Notice her reaction. Does she relax into it letting you know she is comfortable with your motions? Or is she a bit jumpy or startled as she reawakens her body to sex again -meaning to proceed slowly until her body is once again open to fully receiving you? Read her cues so you will know how to continue-deep thrusting, shallow, slower or faster… Give her what she needs.

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Why Women Need a Sexual Voice

Why women need a sexual voice

The term sexual voice has several meanings. Today, I am discussing the sexual, primal sounds women make during sex. It seems no matter where we have sex, we are within an earshot of others including neighbors, family members, children or even the people in the hotel room across from us. As a result, it is rare that women have the opportunity to enjoy sex without holding their voice. A woman’s sexual utterances, screams, moans and grunts represent what is happening to her body. When she holds it back in her throat, she is also holding it back in her pussy! It is like contracting one muscle in your arm or leg and others also contract automatically. Sadly, women are forced to always hold something back which keeps her from knowing her true sexuality. Until she is given the freedom on a regular basis to stop holding in her true nature, she will never know how powerful her orgasms can be.

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Know Your Body

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A woman’s body is a work of art. It is important that it is loved and cherished by her owner. No silly, not the that kind of owner. Each woman should get to know every inch of her own body so that she can take care of it. It is sad when I hear women are afraid to touch their vulvas or vaginas. How will they ever know when something is not right if they do not know what right is?

If you have never made friends with your beautiful parts in that nether region, grab a hand mirror and take a moment to explore your treasures! Notice the feel of your skin in different areas. Notice your wonderful juices in and outside of your vagina! It is so amazing how women can become so wet when aroused!  If you want to have a baby one day, knowing the viscosity (thickness) of your cervical fluid will let you know your fertility cycle. Now remember, vulvas come in many different colors ranging from light pink to dark brown. Like a fingerprint each woman’s labia (inner lip) also looks different. Some are smooth while others are wavy like coral. Some are short and others are long like miniature wings! Notice what your vagina feels like. Rumply and wavy? Yup, there is a reason for that. Men were not made to be circumcised (they end up losing about a 3 x 5 piece of skin with thousands of nerve endings decreasing pleasure significantly). So the wavy skin in the vagina holds on the foreskin during intercourse making thrusting more of a sliding action. Isn’t it wonderful how our bodies were made to work together? Well, continue to explore and get to know your yoni. It is a wonderful thing to be a woman.

And please, don’t be afraid to masturbate. Stop with the guilt from childhood! You are a grown-ass woman now. Take your power back and don’t let childhood rules run your adult life! This is important. If you do not understand the kinds of touches that turn you on, how can you guide your lover? When I said know your body, I really meant that! Get to know your erogenous zones: the touches that get you off, the intensity or lightness of touch and even the strokes that feel good. Then share them with your lovers. If you are between lovers right now, take yourself on a date and enjoy some self-love!

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Coaching Her to Another Orgasm

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Women have the capacity for many orgasms in a session. But they just don’t happen. If a woman isn’t already multiorgasmic then she (and you) will need to teach her body how to come more than once. This could take a few weeks or even several months! In most cases she is used to having an orgasm and just cooling down. But there is a short period right after orgasm where she will probably not be interested in additional stimulation. Scientists debate whether this is a true refractory period or not. Men during this period cannot ejaculate again.

The key here is to keep her warmed up but not over stimulated. See if she will allow you to do this even if she doesn’t feel interested. Let her know it will help to get her body going in a few minutes. You can continue to kiss her and massage her but most likely she will not want any contact on her nipples or clitoris due to oversensitivity.Kissing her neck, her back, thighs and other erogenous zones is a good idea. Hold her in your arms. Avoid groping and being aggressive just yet. It is like you are starting all over again.

Depending upon how she had the first orgasm, you may need to use a different sexual technique or position for the second round. For example, if it was through oral sex, it is highly unlikely she wants that same stimulation on her clitoris again. It can even hurt. She may warm up to you and it just may remain too sensitive. That is why communication is so important. So you may want to make love to her (penis in vagina sex) or focus on her g-spot using your penis or fingers. Intercourse may be another option. If you were having intercourse already, slow down the strokes so that you can continue. Use your hands and mouth to build the tension back up. Then you can increase speed and find a rhythm that will allow her to come again when she is ready. Another orgasm may even require a different position. If she was on her back before, then flip her over to her stomach and enter her from behind. She can be either lying down or in a doggie style position allowing you to focus on different areas within her vagina. A position between these two would be propping her hips up on several pillows or using a device such as The Liberator to help you. These are wedge and roll shapes used to make different sex positions much easier. Whatever the position, get foreplay started right away. But start off slow again. Just keep it going by doing little things she likes.  If she cools down too much then it’s all over!

The whole process takes some trial and error and practice. Some days she may be tired, stressed or even have lots on her mind so no matter what you do, she will not have another orgasm. Don’t get frustrated. Be patient and communicate. Ask her to tell you how she is feeling and if she wants you to keep doing what you are doing. If she is usually quiet, let her know you need her help and will be talking to her a little during sex and checking in with her.

Few women really know their orgasmic potential. It takes a special man to help a woman explore her possibilities.

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