Quit Rabbiting!

I was perusing the internet and I found a term that made me laugh out loud. The word “rabbiting” was used to describe the hurried almost desperate in-and-out motions of a man “thinking” he is making love. But I have no idea how men are supposed to learn these things.

Even though I got a good laugh, a real point was made. Humping up and down does not work for women sexually most of the the time. Women need men who understand the stroke! Let’s see. How can I explain. Imagine that Latino dancer gyrating his hips from left to right, in circles or figure eights. You have seen the African dancers swirling their hips an humping in a undulating motion up and down, right? Well, that is how you are supposed to reach those spots inside you woman. These men have been practicing all their lives! If you think a dance is just a dance then well, I bet you are already in need of some stroke tips!

Using different strokes in a undulating fashion provides both deep and shallow movements allowing your women to find the stroke or strokes that do it for her that day. I know we change too much. But our cycles and hormones cause us to have changes in our moods, sexual sensitivity, horniness, etc.  Varying your stroke and position will also allow you to tap her g-spot in just the right fashion.

If you want to blow her mind get in push-up position and practice different strokes! Make sure you are able to keep up with the rhythm you have set for making love. It is important that you stay on beat. Rabbiting or even stroking all willy nilly without rhythm can be really frustrating. It will back track an orgasm with the quickness! The rhythm you establish together is what builds her orgasm. Find the stoke and the rhythm of movement that makes your lover see fireworks.

Give yourself time. Stroke work takes practice. But your lover will be grateful.

When Male Masturbation Goes Wrong

As a hypnotherapist specializing in sexual dysfunction, I really wish all men knew how certain types of masturbation is a detriment.  Constant masturbation stemming from early years that is hurried (to avoid being caught) teaches the body that sexual stimulation is supposed to come fast and hard. Practicing this method year after year can lead to premature ejaculation when with a women. Your body want to race to the finish line and win the prize (orgasm)!

No, I am not saying don’t masturbate. It is natural and we know orgasms are healthy. But I will say slow it down and loosen up on the grip. Avoid reinforcing behaviors you do not want when you are with a woman.

The Best She Ever Had

If you want to see a woman’s face light up, talk to her about the best, most sexually masterful man she ever had.  I know there are many women who have never had this experience. Ones who have never been with a great lover. But it is wonderful to see the twinkle of excitement in the eyes of the lady who has had this pleasure.

Of course everyone’s experience was different. But there are some commonalities. The women all stated that their lover took his time, always. Men often rush to their orgasms like a race car headed to the finish line. But these lovers took their time whether it was slow lovemaking or hot sex. They understood women need time to warm up and helped the process along in natural time.

They somehow learned that sex is just as much about the process as it is about the finish. Great lovers also focus on the woman’s needs. They know they will have an orgasm no matter what so they were able to give the women whatever she desired or needed that day to enjoy the experience.  As part of that process, they figured out exactly what their lover needed to get turned on and to have one or more orgasms. Every woman is different.  A good man learns about women’s bodies and sex. A great one learns about his woman’s body!

These men knew what turned their women on. They communicated about sex and checked in to make sure she was enjoying the experience. They found what type of touch, stroke, caress, lick or even pinch felt good to her.

No it really isn’t rocket science. Just take your time. Be present and focus on her body. Figure out what she needs and then give it to her. I bet, you will reap the rewards of your efforts!

Porn is NOT a Sex Guide

I have friends on both sides of the porn debate. Some feel it is filthy and objectifies and degrades women. Others feel like it is fun for sex. It’s a big turn on and the women make a hell of a lot more money than they do! No matter how we feel, we have to admit that men have grown to believe that porn is for instructional purposes.

Many boys and young men watch porn (it is everywhere on the internet) and then believe that it is a true representation of a sexual relationship. Porn is not the only guilty party. Movies and late night TV are also culprits. I was watching an episode of Game of Thrones where there were two scenes with women throwing themselves at men to give them sex. Our young guys see this and think  that they are going to sit back and go for a ride down the highway of bliss while the women do all the work! I don’t think we do much of anything to keep men from developing these crazy ideals of sex! We certainly do not educate them in the ways of pleasuring a women. Believing in porn will have you thinking women love to be in acrobatic positions, scream their heads off no matter what you do and that they love pile driver sex! There are a lot more comments I can make, but I will digress and save you from the graphic details.

If I could scream it from the mountaintops, I would tell all of our men that porn and movie sex is fake. The majority of women want you to lead. It is sexy when you are “the man” and take charge. Yes your lady might switch it up when she is horny. But most of the time she wants you to play a major role. You can’t just lay there with your pants off waiting for her to jump your bones!

Natural Lube

Many people are eating healthier and want to extend these good choices beyond the kitchen. Today I am going to highlight coconut oil. Right out of the jar organic coconut oil is thick if the temperature is cool and liquid on warm days. Slightly thicker than most purchased silicon or oil based lube, you may find that it lasts longer. In fact you may not even need to reapply. If it is in a thicker state, you will find that it melts immediately upon coming in contact with warm fingers. Coconut oil is a natural product so persons who have reactions to other types of lube may find this to be a great option.

Before using coconut oil make sure no one has any coconut allergies. It is not safe for most condoms as it breaks down the latex. Prices range from around $6 a jar to $15 depending upon the brand and if it is organic. You may find this cheaper than other slippery options from the sex shop.

Other choices for natural lube include g rapeseed oil and also olive oil. But in my research it seems that coconut oi wins out because of its consistency and taste.