What is Tantra?

Common beliefs about Tantra are usually centered around sex and sexual satisfaction. But Tantra is so much more than a sexual practice. It is a way of life. Tantra developed 10,000 years ago as a form of yoga. Some of the common Ancient types include Buddhist, Taoist, Quodushka, Ipsalu and Hindu. Western Tantra is often a derivative of other forms utilizing knowledge that is still relevant today.

Today’s NeoTantra or Urban Tantra is often shared as a form of sexual ritual probably because of our interest in all things sex. But that is not the purpose of Tantra.  The journey is about living your passion and striving to reach your human potential which of course will be different for everyone. You treat others including animals with compassion and kindness. So eating tortured factory farm bred and slaughtered animals is not something Tantra embraces. We work toward a holistic lifestyle with healthy  practices such as eating vegan foods, exercise, natural products and even holistic health practices. This lifestyle helps to avoid illness as much as possibly by holistic living and eating natural foods and avoiding prepackaged, GMO, pesticide laden processed foods, eliminating stress and embracing joy and happiness. One is not expected to master all of this overnight. It is a lifelong process. The key is to just get started and work toward achieving balance in your life.

Tantra for many is a spiritual journey where one takes the time to learn his or her body, chakra systems, energy work, etc. It is up to the individual and possibly his or her teachers to choose the practices, rituals and information to form a knowledge base that can lead to consciousness, enlightenment and a blissful life. Some of these teachings include the study of Reiki, pranic healing and meditation. While some choose a celibate monastic route, others choose to embrace the Tantric teaching of pleasure and sexuality, the worldly route. Like the other teachings, it is a choice.

The  sexual aspects of Tantra awaken your sexual creative energies. One explores the divine feminine and masculine within themselves without any judgement, only love. Sex is sacred. There is no shame and within this arena each person can explore his or her authentic sexuality. How often do we (especially women) hold back on our true nature and never tell a soul what we really want or need sexually? Tantra can help those dealing with sexual fear, shame, body image issues, self hate and sexual abuse. Like anything else, it may be a process to eliminate some of these issues that others have given up, but within Tantra there is patience. Your partner or teacher is there to encourage you to live authentically.

Tantric sex is amazing! Sexual Tantric rituals can last for six hours or more! They build on our connectedness, communication and oneness with each other and God (for those who believe in God).  A sexual session includes spiritual elements, touch, sound, taste and smell. All of our senses are awakened! But there is no sexual goal such as orgasm.There may not even be intercourse at times. Sex is not defined by Tantra so it is up to the participants to determine each time they come together what they will do together or if one will be serving the other (e.g. sexual massage). The study of Tantra can include sexual positions, techniques and practices that are pleasurable. You learn to master your own body and that of the opposite sex. There are even exercises which promote healthier sex organs, stronger orgasms and help both men and women have multiple orgasms!

Remember, Tantric practices while exciting are based on mindfulness. Sex is not forced nor a race to the finish line. This mindfulness allows us to just be and take in all the sights, smells, sounds and energies to enjoy.  Whether the session includes orgasms or not, the time spent together sharing is blissful.

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Great Sex with Erectile Dysfunction

Over 30 million men in the US are dealing with erectile dysfunction (ED) and are unable to sustain an erection to have sex. This could be due to age, prostate cancer, diabetes or other illness, physical damage (e.g. car accident) or even medication which causes ED. But the end result is often the same: a degrading or nonexistent sex life. This does not have to be the case. While it would be great if the medical community addressed this issue, it is unlikely that patients will be offered some type of coaching or counseling to help them maintain or reestablish their sex life.

Even if you cannot have intercourse (penis in vagina sex) there are still many sex acts which you can participate in such as Tantric body and sexual massage, oral sex, manual stimulation, etc. If you have some function, you can work with your lover to receive pleasure based on the abilities you do have.

Communication is very important. Your lover needs to understand how your are feeling, your current abilities and frustration levels and how you envision maintaining a sex life. Set goals together to communicate and to have sex. Plan fun romantic dates that include role play, sexy foods or even sex toys! Read romance or erotic novels together. Erotic novels tend to have more explicit sexual scenes which might be a turn on for both of you. Increase your time spent on foreplay. Make intimacy which includes hugs, kissing, squeezes and maybe even a few light butt slaps a regular part of daily time together. If anything you are reading today is new to you, consider adding them into your bag of tricks! Just click on blog above for many new ideas.

Remember, your lover may be frustrated even it is not outwardly visible. We are sexual beings so it will be up to you to make sure you are not being sexually selfish. Give your lover great oral sex. Learn to use your hands to give your lover orgasms. Know the different g-spot techniques so she can have multiple orgasms. There will be times when you may not “feel like it” or your situation may be such that you do not want sex at all. Still, take care of your lover and express your love through regular intimacy and by gifting a few orgasms.

Would you like help maneuvering through this stressful time? Have you given up on a great sex life but are realizing now it is not too late, your sex life doesn’t have to be over? Dr. Harris offers private coaching by phone and 3-month programs. Persons in relationship with someone who has ED are also encouraged to get help to learn how to provide support and help maintain a great sex life. You can go here to sign up for an appointment: https://www.simplyappointments.com/dr-harris/ Save Save

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Dr. Tracy Harris

First Thrust

A man’s thrust game is important. Sex isn’t about sticking it in and pounding till the cows come home! There are numerous techniques that can be used to stimulate a woman. We will have that discussion in the near future. But for now, I want to discuss the first thrust. Probably no one has ever mentioned it to you, but the first thrust lays the ground work for everything that comes next. During sex, a woman has allowed herself to be in one of the most vulnerable positions that she could ever experience. She is submitting to you and allowing you to enter into her body. Not just her body, but her sacred space (yoni). It can be very emotional. The time just before you penetrate your woman, she (hopefully) is highly aroused and ready to receive you. But she can never really know what is coming until it happens. Will you go fast? Slow? Deep? Shallow? Is she a little more sensitive down there today or wetter than usual? Will the angle and position she is in cause you to go really deep? The anticipation builds… If there are any traces of fear or if she hasn’t had sex in some time, she may unconsciously tighten up a little. If she is relaxed and comfortable, she may open like a flower beckoning you.

As you push your way inside, stretching her walls and pressing into her deep spot, the feeling can be so powerful yet unexplainable. That first thrust is unlike all the others that follow. All she can do is gasp and hold on as you overpower her with your manhood. Next time you make love to your woman honor this brief moment.  Secretly watch and enjoy the face she makes, the sound of her breath or her moan as the two of you become one. Feel the warmth and wetness of her walls as they envelop you. Notice her reaction. Does she relax into it letting you know she is comfortable with your motions? Or is she a bit jumpy or startled as she reawakens her body to sex again -meaning to proceed slowly until her body is once again open to fully receiving you? Read her cues so you will know how to continue-deep thrusting, shallow, slower or faster… Give her what she needs.

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Why Women Need a Sexual Voice

The term sexual voice has several meanings. Today, I am discussing the sexual, primal sounds women make during sex. It seems no matter where we have sex, we are within an earshot of others including neighbors, family members, children or even the people in the hotel room across from us. As a result, it is rare that women have the opportunity to enjoy sex without holding their voice. A woman’s sexual utterances, screams, moans and grunts represent what is happening to her body. When she holds it back in her throat, she is also holding it back in her pussy! It is like contracting one muscle in your arm or leg and others also contract automatically. Sadly, women are forced to always hold something back which keeps her from knowing her true sexuality. Until she is given the freedom on a regular basis to stop holding in her true nature, she will never know how powerful her orgasms can be.

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Know Your Body

A woman’s body is a work of art. It is important that it is loved and cherished by her owner. No silly, not the that kind of owner. Each woman should get to know every inch of her own body so that she can take care of it. It is sad when I hear women are afraid to touch their vulvas or vaginas. How will they ever know when something is not right if they do not know what right is?

If you have never made friends with your beautiful parts in that nether region, grab a hand mirror and take a moment to explore your treasures! Notice the feel of your skin in different areas. Notice your wonderful juices in and outside of your vagina! It is so amazing how women can become so wet when aroused!  If you want to have a baby one day, knowing the viscosity (thickness) of your cervical fluid will let you know your fertility cycle. Now remember, vulvas come in many different colors ranging from light pink to dark brown. Like a fingerprint each woman’s labia (inner lip) also looks different. Some are smooth while others are wavy like coral. Some are short and others are long like miniature wings! Notice what your vagina feels like. Rumply and wavy? Yup, there is a reason for that. Men were not made to be circumcised (they end up losing about a 3 x 5 piece of skin with thousands of nerve endings decreasing pleasure significantly). So the wavy skin in the vagina holds on the foreskin during intercourse making thrusting more of a sliding action. Isn’t it wonderful how our bodies were made to work together? Well, continue to explore and get to know your yoni. It is a wonderful thing to be a woman.

And please, don’t be afraid to masturbate. Stop with the guilt from childhood! You are a grown-ass woman now. Take your power back and don’t let childhood rules run your adult life! This is important. If you do not understand the kinds of touches that turn you on, how can you guide your lover? When I said know your body, I really meant that! Get to know your erogenous zones: the touches that get you off, the intensity or lightness of touch and even the strokes that feel good. Then share them with your lovers. If you are between lovers right now, take yourself on a date and enjoy some self-love!

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