What is Tantra?

Common beliefs about Tantra are usually centered around sex and sexual satisfaction. But Tantra is so much more than a sexual practice. It is a way of life. Tantra developed 10,000 years ago as a form of yoga. Some of the common Ancient types include Buddhist, Taoist, Quodushka, Ipsalu and Hindu. Western Tantra is often a derivative of other forms utilizing knowledge that is still relevant today.

Today’s NeoTantra or Urban Tantra is often shared as a form of sexual ritual probably because of our interest in all things sex. But that is not the purpose of Tantra.  The journey is about living your passion and striving to reach your human potential which of course will be different for everyone. You treat others including animals with compassion and kindness. So eating tortured factory farm bred and slaughtered animals is not something Tantra embraces. We work toward a holistic lifestyle with healthy  practices such as eating vegan foods, exercise, natural products and even holistic health practices. This lifestyle helps to avoid illness as much as possibly by holistic living and eating natural foods and avoiding prepackaged, GMO, pesticide laden processed foods, eliminating stress and embracing joy and happiness. One is not expected to master all of this overnight. It is a lifelong process. The key is to just get started and work toward achieving balance in your life.

Tantra for many is a spiritual journey where one takes the time to learn his or her body, chakra systems, energy work, etc. It is up to the individual and possibly his or her teachers to choose the practices, rituals and information to form a knowledge base that can lead to consciousness, enlightenment and a blissful life. Some of these teachings include the study of Reiki, pranic healing and meditation. While some choose a celibate monastic route, others choose to embrace the Tantric teaching of pleasure and sexuality, the worldly route. Like the other teachings, it is a choice.

The  sexual aspects of Tantra awaken your sexual creative energies. One explores the divine feminine and masculine within themselves without any judgement, only love. Sex is sacred. There is no shame and within this arena each person can explore his or her authentic sexuality. How often do we (especially women) hold back on our true nature and never tell a soul what we really want or need sexually? Tantra can help those dealing with sexual fear, shame, body image issues, self hate and sexual abuse. Like anything else, it may be a process to eliminate some of these issues that others have given up, but within Tantra there is patience. Your partner or teacher is there to encourage you to live authentically.

Tantric sex is amazing! Sexual Tantric rituals can last for six hours or more! They build on our connectedness, communication and oneness with each other and God (for those who believe in God).  A sexual session includes spiritual elements, touch, sound, taste and smell. All of our senses are awakened! But there is no sexual goal such as orgasm.There may not even be intercourse at times. Sex is not defined by Tantra so it is up to the participants to determine each time they come together what they will do together or if one will be serving the other (e.g. sexual massage). The study of Tantra can include sexual positions, techniques and practices that are pleasurable. You learn to master your own body and that of the opposite sex. There are even exercises which promote healthier sex organs, stronger orgasms and help both men and women have multiple orgasms!

Remember, Tantric practices while exciting are based on mindfulness. Sex is not forced nor a race to the finish line. This mindfulness allows us to just be and take in all the sights, smells, sounds and energies to enjoy.  Whether the session includes orgasms or not, the time spent together sharing is blissful.

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Great Sex with Erectile Dysfunction

Over 30 million men in the US are dealing with erectile dysfunction (ED) and are unable to sustain an erection to have sex. This could be due to age, prostate cancer, diabetes or other illness, physical damage (e.g. car accident) or even medication which causes ED. But the end result is often the same: a degrading or nonexistent sex life. This does not have to be the case. While it would be great if the medical community addressed this issue, it is unlikely that patients will be offered some type of coaching or counseling to help them maintain or reestablish their sex life.

Even if you cannot have intercourse (penis in vagina sex) there are still many sex acts which you can participate in such as Tantric body and sexual massage, oral sex, manual stimulation, etc. If you have some function, you can work with your lover to receive pleasure based on the abilities you do have.

Communication is very important. Your lover needs to understand how your are feeling, your current abilities and frustration levels and how you envision maintaining a sex life. Set goals together to communicate and to have sex. Plan fun romantic dates that include role play, sexy foods or even sex toys! Read romance or erotic novels together. Erotic novels tend to have more explicit sexual scenes which might be a turn on for both of you. Increase your time spent on foreplay. Make intimacy which includes hugs, kissing, squeezes and maybe even a few light butt slaps a regular part of daily time together. If anything you are reading today is new to you, consider adding them into your bag of tricks! Just click on blog above for many new ideas.

Remember, your lover may be frustrated even it is not outwardly visible. We are sexual beings so it will be up to you to make sure you are not being sexually selfish. Give your lover great oral sex. Learn to use your hands to give your lover orgasms. Know the different g-spot techniques so she can have multiple orgasms. There will be times when you may not “feel like it” or your situation may be such that you do not want sex at all. Still, take care of your lover and express your love through regular intimacy and by gifting a few orgasms.

Would you like help maneuvering through this stressful time? Have you given up on a great sex life but are realizing now it is not too late, your sex life doesn’t have to be over? Dr. Harris offers private coaching by phone and 3-month programs. Persons in relationship with someone who has ED are also encouraged to get help to learn how to provide support and help maintain a great sex life. You can go here to sign up for an appointment: https://www.simplyappointments.com/dr-harris/ Save Save

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Dr. Tracy Harris

Baby Tell Me Your Fantasies

Take some time outside of the bedroom to share fantasies with each other. Start with simple fantasies that can be easily shared and added to your sexual repertoire! Sex outside, in a different part of the house (or someone else’s house) or new positions can be a lot of fun. Surprise each other and plan fantasy dates! If one of you wants role play, then plan for costumes, props or whatever it takes to make it seem real! Just be careful not to scare each other with a robbery or kidnapping!! Throw some hints first or discuss plans.

Once you have played around with basic fantasy play, take it to the next level revealing more intimate and freaky desires. What is so taboo that neither of you have never discussed with anyone? What fetishes do you have? How does she want to be ravaged? What would he like her to do to him when he submits to her? Telling the truth can be hard sometimes, and maybe even scary. But just think of the fun you would have if your fantasies were fulfilled?

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First Thrust

A man’s thrust game is important. Sex isn’t about sticking it in and pounding till the cows come home! There are numerous techniques that can be used to stimulate a woman. We will have that discussion in the near future. But for now, I want to discuss the first thrust. Probably no one has ever mentioned it to you, but the first thrust lays the ground work for everything that comes next. During sex, a woman has allowed herself to be in one of the most vulnerable positions that she could ever experience. She is submitting to you and allowing you to enter into her body. Not just her body, but her sacred space (yoni). It can be very emotional. The time just before you penetrate your woman, she (hopefully) is highly aroused and ready to receive you. But she can never really know what is coming until it happens. Will you go fast? Slow? Deep? Shallow? Is she a little more sensitive down there today or wetter than usual? Will the angle and position she is in cause you to go really deep? The anticipation builds… If there are any traces of fear or if she hasn’t had sex in some time, she may unconsciously tighten up a little. If she is relaxed and comfortable, she may open like a flower beckoning you.

As you push your way inside, stretching her walls and pressing into her deep spot, the feeling can be so powerful yet unexplainable. That first thrust is unlike all the others that follow. All she can do is gasp and hold on as you overpower her with your manhood. Next time you make love to your woman honor this brief moment.  Secretly watch and enjoy the face she makes, the sound of her breath or her moan as the two of you become one. Feel the warmth and wetness of her walls as they envelop you. Notice her reaction. Does she relax into it letting you know she is comfortable with your motions? Or is she a bit jumpy or startled as she reawakens her body to sex again -meaning to proceed slowly until her body is once again open to fully receiving you? Read her cues so you will know how to continue-deep thrusting, shallow, slower or faster… Give her what she needs.

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The Power of a Hug

Hugs are a way to share energy, ground ourselves, show love and bond. There are good hugs and bad ones. I recall receiving a hug from a man once who stood eight inches away from me, reached around and patted me on the back! What the hell was that? I had no idea. His hug was  less intimate than a handshake! So awkward (to me) to say the least. It was sad that when everyone in the group was asked to give a hug, this guy wasn’t able to participate.  We were all adults and this was not a Sade Hawkins dance with hovering teachers!  I mean, if you are going to hug someone for any reason, commit to it! I am not saying you have to squeeze the breath out of someone or squish boobs. But do offer up something worth the few seconds you are embracing each other.

I have also received romance novel hugs where the other person held me tightly as if we were lovers separated by the sea for months! Hugs are powerful! Hugs are healing! Sometimes a hug is not just a hug! When a man hugs his lover, this hug represents strength, masculinity, security, love, power, dominance or numerous other characteristics. Women hug to show love, compassion and caring. As an added bonus, frequent, long sensuous hugs among lovers reduces stress and releases oxytocin (the feel-good hormone) and has lasting mental and physical effects.

Take the time to hug your lover and be a good receiver of hugs. it takes two to tango! These hugs may even lead to kissing or other physical intimacy. But do not expect sex every time you hug! It will cause your lover to run from you if he or she is not in the mood! Hug because they make you both feel wonderful and hug more often!

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Why Women Need a Sexual Voice

The term sexual voice has several meanings. Today, I am discussing the sexual, primal sounds women make during sex. It seems no matter where we have sex, we are within an earshot of others including neighbors, family members, children or even the people in the hotel room across from us. As a result, it is rare that women have the opportunity to enjoy sex without holding their voice. A woman’s sexual utterances, screams, moans and grunts represent what is happening to her body. When she holds it back in her throat, she is also holding it back in her pussy! It is like contracting one muscle in your arm or leg and others also contract automatically. Sadly, women are forced to always hold something back which keeps her from knowing her true sexuality. Until she is given the freedom on a regular basis to stop holding in her true nature, she will never know how powerful her orgasms can be.

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The Rules of Breast Play

Women’s breasts are wonderful things. Men love to hold them, kiss them, rub them, lick them and suck them. It is a primal urge that sends men’s eyes on the hunt for beautiful tits. They come in all shapes and sizes and each one is wonderful in its own right. So before attacking any breasts near you, here are a few rules you should follow and a few tips to get you going:

• Remember breasts can be tender and sensitive. Start off slow and work your way into a more firm kiss, suck or grasp as foreplay continues.
• Never go right for the nipples. They are very sensitive, so wait till she is all warmed up before getting busy with them.
• Some women love breast play and others do not care for it so much. Take the time to learn what type of breast play your woman likes. Learn how long she likes you to suck or squeeze before moving to a different technique.
• Some women love it when men suck hard on their nipples. Notice her cues pushing forward or pulling away or even moaning. Not sure? Just ask “if this is too hard.” She’ll let you know!
• Be kind and give both breasts their fair share of attention. Some women can even orgasm from nipple stimulation so it is worth your time to be very attentive!
• Compliment your woman on her breasts often so she will not be self conscious and will let you play with them!
• Get your tongue to nipple action down pat! Have fun making spirals around her areola (the area around the nipple) or stripes leading up to to her nipple. Circle her nipple with your tongue, dot the tip and work your way back down. There is a lot of fun to be had and you can drive her and yourself crazy!!
• If it is even slightly cool, cover her up immediately after pulling your mouth away. Wet nipples get cold and you want to warm her up, not cool her down!
• Enjoy

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Sex in Nature

Many people have a nature fantasy. Feeling fresh air and sun on your body is great and provides much needed vitamin D! Sex outside in the rain, in the forest or jungle, in the back yard, in the pool or another outdoor location in the numerous possible places under the sun or moon. Plan ahead so you can find that special place. Try a picnic in the woods with wine and cheese. Don’t forget a thick blanket. Pop up a tent for some backyard camping! Drag out the old cooler filled with beer, sandwiches and fresh fruit you can feed each other. There is no limit to the many places outside you can have sex! Just be careful not to get caught, unless you want to!

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Wake Her Seductively

If you want morning sex then initiate it the right way. Get yourself cleaned up first if you can without waking her. No one likes morning breath! Then proceed to softly kiss her on her back, arms, neck or wherever she like it. Do not grope or grab her boobs! It is too much and can feel like an all out assault! Take it slow and read the signals she is sending.

If you know it is going to take more than a back rub and few kisses in her special spots, then get your ass up early and make breakfast. Better yet, clean the house before making breakfast and allow her to reward you! The message I always want to make clear is that women do not respond well to advances if they know there is nothing at the end of the rainbow for them. Women are grateful for generous lovers. And they show this gratitude by wanting sex more, giving more blow jobs and even initiating sex!

So with that in mind, remember that sex doesn’t start in the morning. Did you hug and kiss her before you went to bed. Did you pay her a compliment the day before? Set the stage so you can seduce her first thing in the morning.

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Ass Slappin Good

A little ass slapping can be fun for couples. Ladies, if you want your ass slapped, then tell your man! Give him a good indication of what you like by telling him or even showing him. If you are into some serious spanking, a real conversation must be had so he understands exactly what you want. Try watching a movie together to show him what level of spanking you would like.

Gentlemen, a light pop on the ass can be a tease! Pop her behind softly when she is fully clothed when you are horny, when no one is looking or when you just feel like it! If you think she might be into a little spanking or you are, talk to her about it. Ask her how she would like it if you two were in doggie style and you decided to tap that ass. If you get a good reaction, do it and then talk dirty to her. “Do you like it when Daddy slaps that beautiful round ass of yours?” Or you could just do it lightly on her bare bottom after she is all warmed up and ready for sex. If you dare do it without a discussion, you better be able to read her reaction! Then after sex, tell her you enjoyed slapping her ass or spanking her and see if it is something she would like you to do to her more often!

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