What is Tantra?

Common beliefs about Tantra are usually centered around sex and sexual satisfaction. But Tantra is so much more than a sexual practice. It is a way of life. Tantra developed 10,000 years ago as a form of yoga. Some of the common Ancient types include Buddhist, Taoist, Quodushka, Ipsalu and Hindu. Western Tantra is often a derivative of other forms utilizing knowledge that is still relevant today.

Today’s NeoTantra or Urban Tantra is often shared as a form of sexual ritual probably because of our interest in all things sex. But that is not the purpose of Tantra.  The journey is about living your passion and striving to reach your human potential which of course will be different for everyone. You treat others including animals with compassion and kindness. So eating tortured factory farm bred and slaughtered animals is not something Tantra embraces. We work toward a holistic lifestyle with healthy  practices such as eating vegan foods, exercise, natural products and even holistic health practices. This lifestyle helps to avoid illness as much as possibly by holistic living and eating natural foods and avoiding prepackaged, GMO, pesticide laden processed foods, eliminating stress and embracing joy and happiness. One is not expected to master all of this overnight. It is a lifelong process. The key is to just get started and work toward achieving balance in your life.

Tantra for many is a spiritual journey where one takes the time to learn his or her body, chakra systems, energy work, etc. It is up to the individual and possibly his or her teachers to choose the practices, rituals and information to form a knowledge base that can lead to consciousness, enlightenment and a blissful life. Some of these teachings include the study of Reiki, pranic healing and meditation. While some choose a celibate monastic route, others choose to embrace the Tantric teaching of pleasure and sexuality, the worldly route. Like the other teachings, it is a choice.

The  sexual aspects of Tantra awaken your sexual creative energies. One explores the divine feminine and masculine within themselves without any judgement, only love. Sex is sacred. There is no shame and within this arena each person can explore his or her authentic sexuality. How often do we (especially women) hold back on our true nature and never tell a soul what we really want or need sexually? Tantra can help those dealing with sexual fear, shame, body image issues, self hate and sexual abuse. Like anything else, it may be a process to eliminate some of these issues that others have given up, but within Tantra there is patience. Your partner or teacher is there to encourage you to live authentically.

Tantric sex is amazing! Sexual Tantric rituals can last for six hours or more! They build on our connectedness, communication and oneness with each other and God (for those who believe in God).  A sexual session includes spiritual elements, touch, sound, taste and smell. All of our senses are awakened! But there is no sexual goal such as orgasm.There may not even be intercourse at times. Sex is not defined by Tantra so it is up to the participants to determine each time they come together what they will do together or if one will be serving the other (e.g. sexual massage). The study of Tantra can include sexual positions, techniques and practices that are pleasurable. You learn to master your own body and that of the opposite sex. There are even exercises which promote healthier sex organs, stronger orgasms and help both men and women have multiple orgasms!

Remember, Tantric practices while exciting are based on mindfulness. Sex is not forced nor a race to the finish line. This mindfulness allows us to just be and take in all the sights, smells, sounds and energies to enjoy.  Whether the session includes orgasms or not, the time spent together sharing is blissful.

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Take Her on a Sexploration Date

Gentlemen, if you do not know what you woman is capable of sexually, you are missing out! Your lover is allowing you to enjoy her so you need to know how her body works, how it reacts to different types of touches with your hand, penis and mouth and what it really loves!! If you do not know several ways to give her an orgasm then it is time that you learned. Maybe it is time for a SEXPLORATION DATE!

In my upcoming book, I write about how you can set up a special date with no distractions or time constraints. After dinner, a romantic walk or whatever you have chosen to do, you will undress your lover, maybe giver her a bath and then explore her body slowly to make sure you know what makes her tick.

So why is this necessary? Naturally if you are with a new lover, it is a great way of learning. If you have gotten comfortable over time,, use this date to check in and see how things are going sexually.  Ask questions, test out new techniques and experiment. Find out what she wants and needs now. Women’s bodies change over time and so do their sexual needs. She may want more stimulation, need more time for foreplay or has seen or heard something new to try.

Plan a special day and make sure both of you know the purpose. I recommend the focus be on her and make sure she knows it! Start with a romantic time-whatever you lover enjoys doing and then spend the rest of the date relearning  her body. Your lover will will appreciate you for your efforts.

Quit Rabbiting!

I was perusing the internet and I found a term that made me laugh out loud. The word “rabbiting” was used to describe the hurried almost desperate in-and-out motions of a man “thinking” he is making love. But I have no idea how men are supposed to learn these things.

Even though I got a good laugh, a real point was made. Humping up and down does not work for women sexually most of the the time. Women need men who understand the stroke! Let’s see. How can I explain. Imagine that Latino dancer gyrating his hips from left to right, in circles or figure eights. You have seen the African dancers swirling their hips an humping in a undulating motion up and down, right? Well, that is how you are supposed to reach those spots inside you woman. These men have been practicing all their lives! If you think a dance is just a dance then well, I bet you are already in need of some stroke tips!

Using different strokes in a undulating fashion provides both deep and shallow movements allowing your women to find the stroke or strokes that do it for her that day. I know we change too much. But our cycles and hormones cause us to have changes in our moods, sexual sensitivity, horniness, etc.  Varying your stroke and position will also allow you to tap her g-spot in just the right fashion.

If you want to blow her mind get in push-up position and practice different strokes! Make sure you are able to keep up with the rhythm you have set for making love. It is important that you stay on beat. Rabbiting or even stroking all willy nilly without rhythm can be really frustrating. It will back track an orgasm with the quickness! The rhythm you establish together is what builds her orgasm. Find the stoke and the rhythm of movement that makes your lover see fireworks.

Give yourself time. Stroke work takes practice. But your lover will be grateful.