The Cunnilingus Connoisseur

There is nothing like words that are NOT supposed to go together but do.  Today we are discussing the connoisseurs of cunnilingus. Let’s just be honest here. Women love oral sex. I mean really love it especially since so many cannot orgasm during intercourse (penis in vagina sex)! For far to many, it represents the only way their lover can help them to have an orgasm. It feels great to have a wet tongue sliding across the most secret of secrets over and over again. It is an easy way to make most women orgasm rather quickly if you know what you are doing. Ladies love a man who loves oral sex…a connoisseur of sorts I’ll say. Here is what our good friend Webster has to say on the topic of a connoisseur:

con·nois·seur   noun \ˌkä-nə-ˈsər also -ˈsu̇r\

:a person who knows a lot about something : an expert in a particular subject

: expert; especially : one who understands the details, technique, or principles of an art and

: one who enjoys with discrimination and appreciation of subtleties

I couldn’t have defined it better. Now lets combine it with cunnilingus and voila we have something special! A Cunnilingus Connoisseur is a man who enjoys giving his lover pleasure, appreciates her body and her sexuality and has mastered the art of oral sex. He is an unselfish lover who takes his time allowing her anticipation and tension to build…slowly at first. You Cunnilingus Connoisseurs know exactly what I am talking about!

Yes, I know. Cunnilingus does take some oral stamina which of course, develops with practice.  But, I think we all can say it is worth every lick. If you are a Cunnilingus Connoisseur, wear this badge of honor proudly. You are truly appreciated by women across the globe.

Food and Sex the Perfect Combination

We often think of food and sex in relation to crazy, freaky movies. Remember 9 1/2 weeks? Mickey Rourke feeds Kim Bassinger just about anything he can find in the fridge while her eyes are closed. Then as honey drips down her thighs from her outstretched tongue, the scene goes sexual.  I am sure lots of moviegoers in the late 80’s pulled out the whipped cream when they got home that night!

The food and sex combination is not as taboo as it used to be. Food in the bedroom or sex in the kitchen can be a lot of sexy messiness or clean fun. At the most basic level, you can enjoy your favorite treats just before sex as part of your foreplay time. You can feed each other, enjoy tasteful kisses and sensuously eat a few bites off of your lover’s body. Now, you can take it to the next level by going beyond a snack to using your lover as your plate. Think about your favorites such as sushi, ice cream sundaes, veggies and dip, chocolate and caramel syrups, candy, flavored whip cream (yes it comes in chocolate!), chocolate dipped strawberries or other fruit. The possibilities are endless.

You can use food as a sex toy to awaken the senses and feel new sensations. Blindfolds are great forcing your lover to wait in anticipation while he, she or they focus in on the smells, textures and temperature of the food before tasting. You can lightly caress, tap, smear, rub and tickle! Always start with slow sensual movements. Give your lover time to get turned on by the different feelings and memories the food evokes. Try fruit pops, ice cream or cold foods when it is a hot day. Imagine sliding strawberries dipped in chocolate sauce sprayed with a touch of whipped cream across your lovers torso, chest, neck and lips. See yourself feeding him or her and then using your tongue like a cat to clean up the chocolate dripping and smeared across your lovers body. Sounds like fun doesn’t it? The best part is, you get to have dessert twice!

WARNING: Make sure you are not placing food in the vagina where it could later lead to infection. If your lover is blindfolded, make sure you remove seeds, pits or stems. Let your lover know not to bite down if there are foods that are hard. Test any hot food before giving it to your lover unless of course, you are into that. Finally, make sure your lover is not allergic to any foods you wish to eat off of him or her. There is nothing like a bad reaction to end your sex session really fast!

Coaching Her to Another Orgasm

Women have the capacity for many orgasms in a session. But they just don’t happen. If a woman isn’t already multiorgasmic then she (and you) will need to teach her body how to come more than once. This could take a few weeks or even several months! In most cases she is used to having an orgasm and just cooling down. But there is a short period right after orgasm where she will probably not be interested in additional stimulation. Scientists debate whether this is a true refractory period or not. Men during this period cannot ejaculate again.

The key here is to keep her warmed up but not over stimulated. See if she will allow you to do this even if she doesn’t feel interested. Let her know it will help to get her body going in a few minutes. You can continue to kiss her and massage her but most likely she will not want any contact on her nipples or clitoris due to oversensitivity.Kissing her neck, her back, thighs and other erogenous zones is a good idea. Hold her in your arms. Avoid groping and being aggressive just yet. It is like you are starting all over again.

Depending upon how she had the first orgasm, you may need to use a different sexual technique or position for the second round. For example, if it was through oral sex, it is highly unlikely she wants that same stimulation on her clitoris again. It can even hurt. She may warm up to you and it just may remain too sensitive. That is why communication is so important. So you may want to make love to her (penis in vagina sex) or focus on her g-spot using your penis or fingers. Intercourse may be another option. If you were having intercourse already, slow down the strokes so that you can continue. Use your hands and mouth to build the tension back up. Then you can increase speed and find a rhythm that will allow her to come again when she is ready. Another orgasm may even require a different position. If she was on her back before, then flip her over to her stomach and enter her from behind. She can be either lying down or in a doggie style position allowing you to focus on different areas within her vagina. A position between these two would be propping her hips up on several pillows or using a device such as The Liberator to help you. These are wedge and roll shapes used to make different sex positions much easier. Whatever the position, get foreplay started right away. But start off slow again. Just keep it going by doing little things she likes.  If she cools down too much then it’s all over!

The whole process takes some trial and error and practice. Some days she may be tired, stressed or even have lots on her mind so no matter what you do, she will not have another orgasm. Don’t get frustrated. Be patient and communicate. Ask her to tell you how she is feeling and if she wants you to keep doing what you are doing. If she is usually quiet, let her know you need her help and will be talking to her a little during sex and checking in with her.

Few women really know their orgasmic potential. It takes a special man to help a woman explore her possibilities.

When Male Masturbation Goes Wrong

As a hypnotherapist specializing in sexual dysfunction, I really wish all men knew how certain types of masturbation is a detriment.  Constant masturbation stemming from early years that is hurried (to avoid being caught) teaches the body that sexual stimulation is supposed to come fast and hard. Practicing this method year after year can lead to premature ejaculation when with a women. Your body want to race to the finish line and win the prize (orgasm)!

No, I am not saying don’t masturbate. It is natural and we know orgasms are healthy. But I will say slow it down and loosen up on the grip. Avoid reinforcing behaviors you do not want when you are with a woman.

The Best She Ever Had

If you want to see a woman’s face light up, talk to her about the best, most sexually masterful man she ever had.  I know there are many women who have never had this experience. Ones who have never been with a great lover. But it is wonderful to see the twinkle of excitement in the eyes of the lady who has had this pleasure.

Of course everyone’s experience was different. But there are some commonalities. The women all stated that their lover took his time, always. Men often rush to their orgasms like a race car headed to the finish line. But these lovers took their time whether it was slow lovemaking or hot sex. They understood women need time to warm up and helped the process along in natural time.

They somehow learned that sex is just as much about the process as it is about the finish. Great lovers also focus on the woman’s needs. They know they will have an orgasm no matter what so they were able to give the women whatever she desired or needed that day to enjoy the experience.  As part of that process, they figured out exactly what their lover needed to get turned on and to have one or more orgasms. Every woman is different.  A good man learns about women’s bodies and sex. A great one learns about his woman’s body!

These men knew what turned their women on. They communicated about sex and checked in to make sure she was enjoying the experience. They found what type of touch, stroke, caress, lick or even pinch felt good to her.

No it really isn’t rocket science. Just take your time. Be present and focus on her body. Figure out what she needs and then give it to her. I bet, you will reap the rewards of your efforts!