Coaching Her to Another Orgasm

Women have the capacity for many orgasms in a session. But they just don’t happen. If a woman isn’t already multiorgasmic then she (and you) will need to teach her body how to come more than once. This could take a few weeks or even several months! In most cases she is used to having an orgasm and just cooling down. But there is a short period right after orgasm where she will probably not be interested in additional stimulation. Scientists debate whether this is a true refractory period or not. Men during this period cannot ejaculate again.

The key here is to keep her warmed up but not over stimulated. See if she will allow you to do this even if she doesn’t feel interested. Let her know it will help to get her body going in a few minutes. You can continue to kiss her and massage her but most likely she will not want any contact on her nipples or clitoris due to oversensitivity.Kissing her neck, her back, thighs and other erogenous zones is a good idea. Hold her in your arms. Avoid groping and being aggressive just yet. It is like you are starting all over again.

Depending upon how she had the first orgasm, you may need to use a different sexual technique or position for the second round. For example, if it was through oral sex, it is highly unlikely she wants that same stimulation on her clitoris again. It can even hurt. She may warm up to you and it just may remain too sensitive. That is why communication is so important. So you may want to make love to her (penis in vagina sex) or focus on her g-spot using your penis or fingers. Intercourse may be another option. If you were having intercourse already, slow down the strokes so that you can continue. Use your hands and mouth to build the tension back up. Then you can increase speed and find a rhythm that will allow her to come again when she is ready. Another orgasm may even require a different position. If she was on her back before, then flip her over to her stomach and enter her from behind. She can be either lying down or in a doggie style position allowing you to focus on different areas within her vagina. A position between these two would be propping her hips up on several pillows or using a device such as The Liberator to help you. These are wedge and roll shapes used to make different sex positions much easier. Whatever the position, get foreplay started right away. But start off slow again. Just keep it going by doing little things she likes.  If she cools down too much then it’s all over!

The whole process takes some trial and error and practice. Some days she may be tired, stressed or even have lots on her mind so no matter what you do, she will not have another orgasm. Don’t get frustrated. Be patient and communicate. Ask her to tell you how she is feeling and if she wants you to keep doing what you are doing. If she is usually quiet, let her know you need her help and will be talking to her a little during sex and checking in with her.

Few women really know their orgasmic potential. It takes a special man to help a woman explore her possibilities.

Quit Rabbiting!

I was perusing the internet and I found a term that made me laugh out loud. The word “rabbiting” was used to describe the hurried almost desperate in-and-out motions of a man “thinking” he is making love. But I have no idea how men are supposed to learn these things.

Even though I got a good laugh, a real point was made. Humping up and down does not work for women sexually most of the the time. Women need men who understand the stroke! Let’s see. How can I explain. Imagine that Latino dancer gyrating his hips from left to right, in circles or figure eights. You have seen the African dancers swirling their hips an humping in a undulating motion up and down, right? Well, that is how you are supposed to reach those spots inside you woman. These men have been practicing all their lives! If you think a dance is just a dance then well, I bet you are already in need of some stroke tips!

Using different strokes in a undulating fashion provides both deep and shallow movements allowing your women to find the stroke or strokes that do it for her that day. I know we change too much. But our cycles and hormones cause us to have changes in our moods, sexual sensitivity, horniness, etc.  Varying your stroke and position will also allow you to tap her g-spot in just the right fashion.

If you want to blow her mind get in push-up position and practice different strokes! Make sure you are able to keep up with the rhythm you have set for making love. It is important that you stay on beat. Rabbiting or even stroking all willy nilly without rhythm can be really frustrating. It will back track an orgasm with the quickness! The rhythm you establish together is what builds her orgasm. Find the stoke and the rhythm of movement that makes your lover see fireworks.

Give yourself time. Stroke work takes practice. But your lover will be grateful.

When Male Masturbation Goes Wrong

As a hypnotherapist specializing in sexual dysfunction, I really wish all men knew how certain types of masturbation is a detriment.  Constant masturbation stemming from early years that is hurried (to avoid being caught) teaches the body that sexual stimulation is supposed to come fast and hard. Practicing this method year after year can lead to premature ejaculation when with a women. Your body want to race to the finish line and win the prize (orgasm)!

No, I am not saying don’t masturbate. It is natural and we know orgasms are healthy. But I will say slow it down and loosen up on the grip. Avoid reinforcing behaviors you do not want when you are with a woman.

The Best She Ever Had

If you want to see a woman’s face light up, talk to her about the best, most sexually masterful man she ever had.  I know there are many women who have never had this experience. Ones who have never been with a great lover. But it is wonderful to see the twinkle of excitement in the eyes of the lady who has had this pleasure.

Of course everyone’s experience was different. But there are some commonalities. The women all stated that their lover took his time, always. Men often rush to their orgasms like a race car headed to the finish line. But these lovers took their time whether it was slow lovemaking or hot sex. They understood women need time to warm up and helped the process along in natural time.

They somehow learned that sex is just as much about the process as it is about the finish. Great lovers also focus on the woman’s needs. They know they will have an orgasm no matter what so they were able to give the women whatever she desired or needed that day to enjoy the experience.  As part of that process, they figured out exactly what their lover needed to get turned on and to have one or more orgasms. Every woman is different.  A good man learns about women’s bodies and sex. A great one learns about his woman’s body!

These men knew what turned their women on. They communicated about sex and checked in to make sure she was enjoying the experience. They found what type of touch, stroke, caress, lick or even pinch felt good to her.

No it really isn’t rocket science. Just take your time. Be present and focus on her body. Figure out what she needs and then give it to her. I bet, you will reap the rewards of your efforts!

Orgasm on Command

The Matrix Trilogy is one of my favorite film series. Do you remember the scene in The Matrix Reloaded (2003) where the Merovingian’s chocolate dessert causes a women in the restaurant to have an orgasm after taking one bite? He proudly proclaimed he wrote the code himself! Well is this possible? No, I do not mean orgasm chocolate cheesecake although that would be wonderful. I mean did you ever wonder if you could cause someone else without even touching them to have an orgasm?

You will be excited to know that hypnosis can become your chocolate dessert! People can be hypnotized to recall the feelings of an orgasm that occurred previously or have one then and there. A woman can also be hypnotized and given a “trigger” (a word that will trigger an orgasm) which may be coupled with some type of gesture or touch such as rubbing a shoulder.

Imagine a man taking his wife on a date to an Italian restaurant. After completing the meal they remain to have another glass of wine and conversation.As she takes a sip of wine, he looks into her eyes and whispers “blue butterflies.” Upon hearing those words she begins to feel a little strange, a little warm. She presses her knees together and the feelings of bliss begin to take hold. She succumbs to the waves of ecstasy unable to continue the conversation…