The Best She Ever Had

If you want to see a woman’s face light up, talk to her about the best, most sexually masterful man she ever had.  I know there are many women who have never had this experience. Ones who have never been with a great lover. But it is wonderful to see the twinkle of excitement in the eyes of the lady who has had this pleasure.

Of course everyone’s experience was different. But there are some commonalities. The women all stated that their lover took his time, always. Men often rush to their orgasms like a race car headed to the finish line. But these lovers took their time whether it was slow lovemaking or hot sex. They understood women need time to warm up and helped the process along in natural time.

They somehow learned that sex is just as much about the process as it is about the finish. Great lovers also focus on the woman’s needs. They know they will have an orgasm no matter what so they were able to give the women whatever she desired or needed that day to enjoy the experience.  As part of that process, they figured out exactly what their lover needed to get turned on and to have one or more orgasms. Every woman is different.  A good man learns about women’s bodies and sex. A great one learns about his woman’s body!

These men knew what turned their women on. They communicated about sex and checked in to make sure she was enjoying the experience. They found what type of touch, stroke, caress, lick or even pinch felt good to her.

No it really isn’t rocket science. Just take your time. Be present and focus on her body. Figure out what she needs and then give it to her. I bet, you will reap the rewards of your efforts!

Porn is NOT a Sex Guide

I have friends on both sides of the porn debate. Some feel it is filthy and objectifies and degrades women. Others feel like it is fun for sex. It’s a big turn on and the women make a hell of a lot more money than they do! No matter how we feel, we have to admit that men have grown to believe that porn is for instructional purposes.

Many boys and young men watch porn (it is everywhere on the internet) and then believe that it is a true representation of a sexual relationship. Porn is not the only guilty party. Movies and late night TV are also culprits. I was watching an episode of Game of Thrones where there were two scenes with women throwing themselves at men to give them sex. Our young guys see this and think  that they are going to sit back and go for a ride down the highway of bliss while the women do all the work! I don’t think we do much of anything to keep men from developing these crazy ideals of sex! We certainly do not educate them in the ways of pleasuring a women. Believing in porn will have you thinking women love to be in acrobatic positions, scream their heads off no matter what you do and that they love pile driver sex! There are a lot more comments I can make, but I will digress and save you from the graphic details.

If I could scream it from the mountaintops, I would tell all of our men that porn and movie sex is fake. The majority of women want you to lead. It is sexy when you are “the man” and take charge. Yes your lady might switch it up when she is horny. But most of the time she wants you to play a major role. You can’t just lay there with your pants off waiting for her to jump your bones!

Natural Lube

Many people are eating healthier and want to extend these good choices beyond the kitchen. Today I am going to highlight coconut oil. Right out of the jar organic coconut oil is thick if the temperature is cool and liquid on warm days. Slightly thicker than most purchased silicon or oil based lube, you may find that it lasts longer. In fact you may not even need to reapply. If it is in a thicker state, you will find that it melts immediately upon coming in contact with warm fingers. Coconut oil is a natural product so persons who have reactions to other types of lube may find this to be a great option.

Before using coconut oil make sure no one has any coconut allergies. It is not safe for most condoms as it breaks down the latex. Prices range from around $6 a jar to $15 depending upon the brand and if it is organic. You may find this cheaper than other slippery options from the sex shop.

Other choices for natural lube include g rapeseed oil and also olive oil. But in my research it seems that coconut oi wins out because of its consistency and taste.

Playing with the Senses

Looking for something new and you’re not quite ready for a 50 Shades experience? Why not play with your partner’s senses? Start with a blindfold. Use a scarf, sleep mask or whatever you have on hand to cover each others eyes. Decide who will go first or if you are initiating the experience go for it! Let’s start with sound. Are you going to play soft music or whisper in his or her ear?  Do any of the items you are bringing into the bedroom make any sounds? Then move on to taste. Taste is always a fun so bring some food into the bedroom. Feed your lover chocolate dipped strawberries, French toast with syrup, small pieces of fruit or chocolate. Have your lover guess what he or she is eating. If this is a new relationship make sure you know about any food allergies. You would not want to plan hot sex and end up spending the night in the emergency room!Avoid too much food or food that is to heavy on the stomach if you are going to have sex.

Transitioning into touch, you can use foods that you might want to lick off your partners body such as honey or an organic chocolate sauce. You may also want to have a variety of items on hand that can excite the skin, soothe  it or even tickle. Feathers, ice (if it is hot), etc. You can even buy kits that have several items that are very sensual to the touch.  Remember to start slow and use items that won’t startle your partner… at first. Work your way up to the more intense feelings. Don’t forget to use your hands and body as part of the experience. Add a little massage oil and transition into intimate foreplay or even oral sex. Be aware of your partners feelings, sounds and movement. Notice what he or she likes and dislikes. This can be a lot of fun so don’t forget to laugh!

Orgasm on Command

The Matrix Trilogy is one of my favorite film series. Do you remember the scene in The Matrix Reloaded (2003) where the Merovingian’s chocolate dessert causes a women in the restaurant to have an orgasm after taking one bite? He proudly proclaimed he wrote the code himself! Well is this possible? No, I do not mean orgasm chocolate cheesecake although that would be wonderful. I mean did you ever wonder if you could cause someone else without even touching them to have an orgasm?

You will be excited to know that hypnosis can become your chocolate dessert! People can be hypnotized to recall the feelings of an orgasm that occurred previously or have one then and there. A woman can also be hypnotized and given a “trigger” (a word that will trigger an orgasm) which may be coupled with some type of gesture or touch such as rubbing a shoulder.

Imagine a man taking his wife on a date to an Italian restaurant. After completing the meal they remain to have another glass of wine and conversation.As she takes a sip of wine, he looks into her eyes and whispers “blue butterflies.” Upon hearing those words she begins to feel a little strange, a little warm. She presses her knees together and the feelings of bliss begin to take hold. She succumbs to the waves of ecstasy unable to continue the conversation…

Sex and Hypnosis?

Sex and hypnosis are two of my favorite topics especially when combined!!  Many people don’t know how sex and hypnosis can be very closely related. Hypnosis can be used for many forms of sexual dysfunction and also sexual enhancement.

Hypnosis is commonly used to help persons with a variety of problems such as phobias, anxiety, smoking, pain, etc. But did you know that hypnosis can be used for n0norganic sexual problems which are those not stemming from a medical issue. For example, a man dealing with premature ejaculation may have all his plumbing in order but something is going on inside his head to keep him from taking his time during sexual intercourse.  Another example is a woman who finds penetration too painful. Her body is fine, but due to some previous experiences her mind causes her body to act out the fear of that previous experience. Persons with these types of problems who have ruled out any medical causes may visit a hypnotist or hypnotherapist for help. Other uses for hypnosis include erectile dysfunction, vaginismus, impotence, lack of orgasm in females and dyspareunia (pain) in both males and females.

On the other side of the spectrum is sexual enhancement where hypnosis is used to enhance the sexual experience. People who are interested in fantasies and erotica (like the romance novels) may purchase audio CD’s/MP3’s which enhance fantasies. This can also be done in office for a variety of reasons.  Under hypnosis, when a person uses visualization say to prepare for a sports game or competition, they are able to see the scene, hear the sounds and even smell the smells more vividly. Similarly, in a fantasy situation, listening to the scenes as described by the person on the audio (usually with a sexy voice) or in the office can help improve the mental experience. I call it mental porn. I am assuming most people are listening to the audio for solo sex. The interesting thing I found about these audios is that they are made for anyone and everyone whether you are heterosexual, gay, bisexual, etc….just like erotic novels. I am sure you can not only find a story about the type of lover you want but also story lines about any kink or fetishes that you desire.

A third category of hypnosis and sex would be considered more of an enhancement.  As mentioned above some hypnotists will provide an erotic subconscious scenario for the client to engage in, but they can also use this in a hypnosis session as part of therapy. Usually the goal here is not a fantasy per se although a client may be asked to do some visualization. In order to improve future sexual experiences the client will be given suggestions under hypnosis. Because I use hypnosis to help sports clients, I find this to be a good analogy. A goal for a basketball player may be to move faster, improve statistics and increase confidence. Each of these can be easily addressed in a few hypnosis sessions. Similarly, hypnosis and other techniques can be used to boost clients’ sexual confidence, prolong and increase orgasm intensity, gain more control over sexual organs so that sex lasts longer, etc.  Clients coming in to deal with sexual issues may wish to not only work on their problems but to eventually have heightened experiences. Similarly, a client with no history of dysfunction may choose to have several sessions with the only purpose being to improve his or her sex life.

5 Great Tips for Giving a Woman an Orgasm

Sadly, many women are orgasm deprived!  Why not try out a few tips to increase the chances your lover will climax and have an orgasm tonight? I promise, it will be fun!

Tip #1: Wet does not mean ready
Healthy vaginas are naturally moist so don’t assume she is ready for penetration just because you walk into the room with your shirt off. Foreplay is important.

Tip #2: Slow your roll
Everyone loves a quickie, but the reality is that for most of your lovemaking sessions, you will need to take your time and make the most of foreplay. Quit rushing to get to the good part! Two minutes of kissing or doing what you want is not enough. Most women need much longer in order for their bodies to be ready to make the most from sex. In fact many women need as much as a half an hour to forty-five minutes to warm up. What you are doing is building up anticipation and sexual tension so she feels like she cannot wait any longer! That definitely is a good thing.

Tip #3: Foreplay is her time
Use your foreplay time to do what SHE needs you to do to get ready to receive you. Focus on her. She will notice. Women know when your goal is to satisfy yourself. If you do not know what she likes, then have a discussion and spend some time learning her body. If you only are doing what you enjoy, then you could be turning her off and drying things up! There is always give and take, but it is important that you get the job done for her. While you might want to argue that you need to be the focus too., the reality is most men have ejaculatory inevitability so they are gonna come no matter what. Women need a lot more care and attention to detail to make it happen.

Tip #4: Sex doesn’t start in the bedroom
For many women, sex starts long before she enters the bedroom. How did you treat her all week? Did you open doors? Was there good communication? How often did you piss her off for no good reason. Did you make more work for her around the house (dirty socks on the floor)? Were you playful and flirty? Did you laugh together? All kinds of “relationship type stuff” comes into play in a woman’s head before sex…even days before. Start throwing hints early on. Be chivalrous and romantic. Give her a back rub. Hold her hand. Position yourself close to her body and let her know without words or sexual touching that you are into her. Women get tired of being groped so don’t overdo it with your advances. Show her you care and desire her. But start off subtle. Then increase your advances closer to the time you plan on having sex. That’s when it’s time to turn up the heat!

Tip #5: Know her body
Women are covered with erogenous zones and can have orgasms that are triggered numerous ways. The more turned on she is, the more erogenous zones seem to pop up! Of course every woman is different but you need to start with the basics common to most women and then learn your woman’s favorite spots. Some of the information that is available now has been hidden unless you do a lot of reading. For example, most people think the clitoris is comprised of a bump covered by a hood. But the clitoris is much longer and has has “legs” that fan out under the labia. So with that understanding, there is a lot more going on during sex. If you have been in a relationship in a long time, you may need to relearn. As women age, they change. What she liked when she was 25 may not be something she wants you to do when she is 45. Just like the mind, the body evolves.

What is Foreplay Really About?

When we think of foreplay, what often comes to mind is “getting her ready.”  OK, that is true. Foreplay does prepare a woman’s body for the sexual encounter by increasing her natural lubrication. But what I want to discuss is what it does mentally. Women with wet vaginas can have sex. But that does not mean she is ready.Jumping right into sex too early leads to weaker, shorter orgasms. So it is very important that you do not rush through foreplay. You definitely want her orgasms to be more intense.

Being ready  means she is turned on (horny) and feeling a high level of anticipation, excitement and sexual tension! She should be at the point where sex is almost impossible to resist and she needs it in order to relieve the built up tension. As her lover, make sure you prolong foreplay as long as she needs you to. Start off with a back rub, foot massage  or a body massage to relax her. One of the reasons why women do not have orgasms is that they cannot relax. Avoid sexual areas at first. Allow her to release the stress from work, the kids or her busy day. Then work your way into more sexual touching. Pay attention to her body. Watch what she is doing. Listen to the sounds she is making. Tell her you enjoy hearing these sounds and seeing her turned on. This opens the door for her to be more comfortable so she can open up and let loose. She will signal you, even if it is subtle to move on to more intimate touching and kissing. Oblige her when she is ready.

Why does she take so long?

There are many reasons why women take a long time to have an orgasm. One common reason is that their lovers rarely spend enough time on foreplay. Did you know that the average time spent on foreplay is approximately 2 1/2 minutes? Yes, everyone likes a quickie now and then, but foreplay is needed to build anticipation so she is wet and ready. The average woman needs 21 minutes of foreplay before her body is ready for sex. So, if you are only spending a few minutes “warming her up” then her mind and body are just starting to get ready while you are having sex. This means, you are probably doing a lot of unnecessary extra work and spending a lot of extra time trying to get her to climax.

So the key is to take your time. Learn her body and what forms of foreplay she enjoys. There are lots of options so choose several. Foreplay is not just kissing and grabbing her boobs! Remember, never go right for sensitive areas such as the vulva, clitoris or nipples in the beginning. Wait until she is warmed up first or else it can feel very uncomfortable. Make out the old fashioned way, like you did before you started having sex. Try giving her a foot massage or body massage. Kiss her on her favorite spots such as her neck, spine or stomach. The idea is to touch her in places that will light her fire! Then when you make your move, she she will be primed and ready!

Welcome

Welcome! I hope you are here to have fun, learn some new tips and have a laugh or two. We sometimes take sex way too seriously and as a result we promote shame! On this site you will see blog articles, links to great products to try and maybe even a little erotica!