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5 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life

5 ways to spice up your sex life

Ready to add a little light spice to your sex life? Don’t worry. No hard core kink, bondage or taboo topics this time. But get ready they are coming! Right now lets look at 5 fun ways to bust the bedroom boredom blues!

    1. Get out of the bedroom  Try adding some hot spice in the kitchen! Give your lover oral on the counters, sex it up on the kitchen island or eat food off of each others bodies on the table! Don’t forget the living room couch or bending her over your home office desk! Just plan ahead.  Grab towels to fold up when bending her over sharp edges and to protect fabric from the fountains of love juices. Remember not to leave any evidence for the kids!
    2. Light bondage could be fun  Visit your local sex shop for some fur covered handcuffs, satin rope and blindfolds. You can also improvise with scarves, rope, ladies stockings or nighttime eye masks.  Once cuffed or tied and blindfolded, feed your lover desserts, fruit or even a meal. Tickle him or her with a feather or if you both consent, you can try a little butt slapping or flogging! Don’t forget that safe word!
    3. Role play for a hot and sexy night  You both can choose to act out your evening as totally different people. Consider your favorite movie actors, celebrities or TV Personalities.  Adding costumes will take it to a whole new level! Oh yea, remember the wigs and props! Why not choose a fun theme like the wild west, pirates in search of booty or law enforcement officer protecting the family jewels from a thief who just got caught? Take your role play outdoors and be a john looking for a lady of the night. Choose a location such as a bar, club or restaurant for the excursion.  Got a little extra cash? Have her entice you at the hotel bar and then have your way with her in your hotel room. Ladies….don’t forget to get paid for your services!
    4. Play a sex game  There are so many games that will introduce you to new positions and sex acts that may not normally be on the menu. You can purchase them at local sex shops or online. Try doing an internet search so that you can read others’ reviews and comments.
    5. Strip tease and lap dances! I bet you already have a few movies in mind! Put on some tunes. Set out some refreshments and create a club atmosphere. Got a strobe light? She can do a lap dance or a hot burlesque routine wearing some sexy lingerie.  Get him dancing and stripping like Channing Tatum in the movie Magic Mike. Make sure he has on some satin undies so he can really get into his role!

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Know Your Body

Sexy beautiful girl in underclothes

A woman’s body is a work of art. It is important that it is loved and cherished by her owner. No silly, not the that kind of owner. Each woman should get to know every inch of her own body so that she can take care of it. It is sad when I hear women are afraid to touch their vulvas or vaginas. How will they ever know when something is not right if they do not know what right is?

If you have never made friends with your beautiful parts in that nether region, grab a hand mirror and take a moment to explore your treasures! Notice the feel of your skin in different areas. Notice your wonderful juices in and outside of your vagina! It is so amazing how women can become so wet when aroused!  If you want to have a baby one day, knowing the viscosity (thickness) of your cervical fluid will let you know your fertility cycle. Now remember, vulvas come in many different colors ranging from light pink to dark brown. Like a fingerprint each woman’s labia (inner lip) also looks different. Some are smooth while others are wavy like coral. Some are short and others are long like miniature wings! Notice what your vagina feels like. Rumply and wavy? Yup, there is a reason for that. Men were not made to be circumcised (they end up losing about a 3 x 5 piece of skin with thousands of nerve endings decreasing pleasure significantly). So the wavy skin in the vagina holds on the foreskin during intercourse making thrusting more of a sliding action. Isn’t it wonderful how our bodies were made to work together? Well, continue to explore and get to know your yoni. It is a wonderful thing to be a woman.

And please, don’t be afraid to masturbate. Stop with the guilt from childhood! You are a grown-ass woman now. Take your power back and don’t let childhood rules run your adult life! This is important. If you do not understand the kinds of touches that turn you on, how can you guide your lover? When I said know your body, I really meant that! Get to know your erogenous zones: the touches that get you off, the intensity or lightness of touch and even the strokes that feel good. Then share them with your lovers. If you are between lovers right now, take yourself on a date and enjoy some self-love!

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The Cunnilingus Connoisseur

The connoisseur

There is nothing like words that are NOT supposed to go together but do.  Today we are discussing the connoisseurs of cunnilingus. Let’s just be honest here. Women love oral sex. I mean really love it especially since so many cannot orgasm during intercourse (penis in vagina sex)! For far to many, it represents the only way their lover can help them to have an orgasm. It feels great to have a wet tongue sliding across the most secret of secrets over and over again. It is an easy way to make most women orgasm rather quickly if you know what you are doing. Ladies love a man who loves oral sex…a connoisseur of sorts I’ll say. Here is what our good friend Webster has to say on the topic of a connoisseur:

con·nois·seur   noun \ˌkä-nə-ˈsər also -ˈsu̇r\

:a person who knows a lot about something : an expert in a particular subject

: expert; especially : one who understands the details, technique, or principles of an art and

: one who enjoys with discrimination and appreciation of subtleties

I couldn’t have defined it better. Now lets combine it with cunnilingus and voila we have something special! A Cunnilingus Connoisseur is a man who enjoys giving his lover pleasure, appreciates her body and her sexuality and has mastered the art of oral sex. He is an unselfish lover who takes his time allowing her anticipation and tension to build…slowly at first. You Cunnilingus Connoisseurs know exactly what I am talking about!

Yes, I know. Cunnilingus does take some oral stamina which of course, develops with practice.  But, I think we all can say it is worth every lick. If you are a Cunnilingus Connoisseur, wear this badge of honor proudly. You are truly appreciated by women across the globe.

Take Her on a Sexploration Date

sexploration dateGentlemen, if you do not know what you woman is capable of sexually, you are missing out! Your lover is allowing you to enjoy her so you need to know how her body works, how it reacts to different types of touches with your hand, penis and mouth and what it really loves!! If you do not know several ways to give her an orgasm then it is time that you learned. Maybe it is time for a SEXPLORATION DATE!

In my upcoming book, I write about how you can set up a special date with no distractions or time constraints. After dinner, a romantic walk or whatever you have chosen to do, you will undress your lover, maybe giver her a bath and then explore her body slowly to make sure you know what makes her tick.

So why is this necessary? Naturally if you are with a new lover, it is a great way of learning. If you have gotten comfortable over time,, use this date to check in and see how things are going sexually.  Ask questions, test out new techniques and experiment. Find out what she wants and needs now. Women’s bodies change over time and so do their sexual needs. She may want more stimulation, need more time for foreplay or has seen or heard something new to try.

Plan a special day and make sure both of you know the purpose. I recommend the focus be on her and make sure she knows it! Start with a romantic time-whatever you lover enjoys doing and then spend the rest of the date relearning  her body. Your lover will will appreciate you for your efforts.

Food and Sex the Perfect Combination

strawberries and sex

We often think of food and sex in relation to crazy, freaky movies. Remember 9 1/2 weeks? Mickey Rourke feeds Kim Bassinger just about anything he can find in the fridge while her eyes are closed. Then as honey drips down her thighs from her outstretched tongue, the scene goes sexual.  I am sure lots of moviegoers in the late 80’s pulled out the whipped cream when they got home that night!

The food and sex combination is not as taboo as it used to be. Food in the bedroom or sex in the kitchen can be a lot of sexy messiness or clean fun. At the most basic level, you can enjoy your favorite treats just before sex as part of your foreplay time. You can feed each other, enjoy tasteful kisses and sensuously eat a few bites off of your lover’s body. Now, you can take it to the next level by going beyond a snack to using your lover as your plate. Think about your favorites such as sushi, ice cream sundaes, veggies and dip, chocolate and caramel syrups, candy, flavored whip cream (yes it comes in chocolate!), chocolate dipped strawberries or other fruit. The possibilities are endless.

You can use food as a sex toy to awaken the senses and feel new sensations. Blindfolds are great forcing your lover to wait in anticipation while he, she or they focus in on the smells, textures and temperature of the food before tasting. You can lightly caress, tap, smear, rub and tickle! Always start with slow sensual movements. Give your lover time to get turned on by the different feelings and memories the food evokes. Try fruit pops, ice cream or cold foods when it is a hot day. Imagine sliding strawberries dipped in chocolate sauce sprayed with a touch of whipped cream across your lovers torso, chest, neck and lips. See yourself feeding him or her and then using your tongue like a cat to clean up the chocolate dripping and smeared across your lovers body. Sounds like fun doesn’t it? The best part is, you get to have dessert twice!

WARNING: Make sure you are not placing food in the vagina where it could later lead to infection. If your lover is blindfolded, make sure you remove seeds, pits or stems. Let your lover know not to bite down if there are foods that are hard. Test any hot food before giving it to your lover unless of course, you are into that. Finally, make sure your lover is not allergic to any foods you wish to eat off of him or her. There is nothing like a bad reaction to end your sex session really fast!

Skipping Sex Can Improve Orgasm Intensity

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Skipping sex for a few days (or more) may not sound like fun, but it can make all the difference in the strength and intensity of male and female orgasm. Similar to the slow buildup of lava in a volcano, your body will use this time culminating in a much greater explosion!

Sure, you can spend time cuddling, kissing and even doing a little more hot and heavy petting and grinding. But do not succumb to temptation. Try activities which relieve stress and tension. Exercise does this and raises endorphin levels too. Consider getting back to that craft or hobby. Take your mind off sex for a few days.  Abstinence can be your friend. The same applies if you are running solo. Don’t have a lover right now? Taking a break from frequent masturbation can result in more intense orgasms. This applies to both men and women, but especially women using a battery operated device. The strong vibrations can cause a woman to feel almost numb after a few days of usage so your body needs a break.

Give yourself and your lover (if you have one) several days and then see how sex and orgasm differs. Most likely those days without will make you feel really ready for a release. Sexual tension is greater and men have a change to rebuild their ejaculatory surplus!  But let me share a word of caution. Don’t waste this opportunity by rushing to have have an orgasm because you are both hot and horny. Spend plenty of time on foreplay and don’t rush sex either.

 

Coaching Her to Another Orgasm

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Women have the capacity for many orgasms in a session. But they just don’t happen. If a woman isn’t already multiorgasmic then she (and you) will need to teach her body how to come more than once. This could take a few weeks or even several months! In most cases she is used to having an orgasm and just cooling down. But there is a short period right after orgasm where she will probably not be interested in additional stimulation. Scientists debate whether this is a true refractory period or not. Men during this period cannot ejaculate again.

The key here is to keep her warmed up but not over stimulated. See if she will allow you to do this even if she doesn’t feel interested. Let her know it will help to get her body going in a few minutes. You can continue to kiss her and massage her but most likely she will not want any contact on her nipples or clitoris due to oversensitivity.Kissing her neck, her back, thighs and other erogenous zones is a good idea. Hold her in your arms. Avoid groping and being aggressive just yet. It is like you are starting all over again.

Depending upon how she had the first orgasm, you may need to use a different sexual technique or position for the second round. For example, if it was through oral sex, it is highly unlikely she wants that same stimulation on her clitoris again. It can even hurt. She may warm up to you and it just may remain too sensitive. That is why communication is so important. So you may want to make love to her (penis in vagina sex) or focus on her g-spot using your penis or fingers. Intercourse may be another option. If you were having intercourse already, slow down the strokes so that you can continue. Use your hands and mouth to build the tension back up. Then you can increase speed and find a rhythm that will allow her to come again when she is ready. Another orgasm may even require a different position. If she was on her back before, then flip her over to her stomach and enter her from behind. She can be either lying down or in a doggie style position allowing you to focus on different areas within her vagina. A position between these two would be propping her hips up on several pillows or using a device such as The Liberator to help you. These are wedge and roll shapes used to make different sex positions much easier. Whatever the position, get foreplay started right away. But start off slow again. Just keep it going by doing little things she likes.  If she cools down too much then it’s all over!

The whole process takes some trial and error and practice. Some days she may be tired, stressed or even have lots on her mind so no matter what you do, she will not have another orgasm. Don’t get frustrated. Be patient and communicate. Ask her to tell you how she is feeling and if she wants you to keep doing what you are doing. If she is usually quiet, let her know you need her help and will be talking to her a little during sex and checking in with her.

Few women really know their orgasmic potential. It takes a special man to help a woman explore her possibilities.

Quit Rabbiting!

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I was perusing the internet and I found a term that made me laugh out loud. The word “rabbiting” was used to describe the hurried almost desperate in-and-out motions of a man “thinking” he is making love. But I have no idea how men are supposed to learn these things.

Even though I got a good laugh, a real point was made. Humping up and down does not work for women sexually most of the the time. Women need men who understand the stroke! Let’s see. How can I explain. Imagine that Latino dancer gyrating his hips from left to right, in circles or figure eights. You have seen the African dancers swirling their hips an humping in a undulating motion up and down, right? Well, that is how you are supposed to reach those spots inside you woman. These men have been practicing all their lives! If you think a dance is just a dance then well, I bet you are already in need of some stroke tips!

Using different strokes in a undulating fashion provides both deep and shallow movements allowing your women to find the stroke or strokes that do it for her that day. I know we change too much. But our cycles and hormones cause us to have changes in our moods, sexual sensitivity, horniness, etc.  Varying your stroke and position will also allow you to tap her g-spot in just the right fashion.

If you want to blow her mind get in push-up position and practice different strokes! Make sure you are able to keep up with the rhythm you have set for making love. It is important that you stay on beat. Rabbiting or even stroking all willy nilly without rhythm can be really frustrating. It will back track an orgasm with the quickness! The rhythm you establish together is what builds her orgasm. Find the stoke and the rhythm of movement that makes your lover see fireworks.

Give yourself time. Stroke work takes practice. But your lover will be grateful.

When Male Masturbation Goes Wrong

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As a hypnotherapist specializing in sexual dysfunction, I really wish all men knew how certain types of masturbation is a detriment.  Constant masturbation stemming from early years that is hurried (to avoid being caught) teaches the body that sexual stimulation is supposed to come fast and hard. Practicing this method year after year can lead to premature ejaculation when with a women. Your body want to race to the finish line and win the prize (orgasm)!

No, I am not saying don’t masturbate. It is natural and we know orgasms are healthy. But I will say slow it down and loosen up on the grip. Avoid reinforcing behaviors you do not want when you are with a woman.

The Best She Ever Had

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If you want to see a woman’s face light up, talk to her about the best, most sexually masterful man she ever had.  I know there are many women who have never had this experience. Ones who have never been with a great lover. But it is wonderful to see the twinkle of excitement in the eyes of the lady who has had this pleasure.

Of course everyone’s experience was different. But there are some commonalities. The women all stated that their lover took his time, always. Men often rush to their orgasms like a race car headed to the finish line. But these lovers took their time whether it was slow lovemaking or hot sex. They understood women need time to warm up and helped the process along in natural time.

They somehow learned that sex is just as much about the process as it is about the finish. Great lovers also focus on the woman’s needs. They know they will have an orgasm no matter what so they were able to give the women whatever she desired or needed that day to enjoy the experience.  As part of that process, they figured out exactly what their lover needed to get turned on and to have one or more orgasms. Every woman is different.  A good man learns about women’s bodies and sex. A great one learns about his woman’s body!

These men knew what turned their women on. They communicated about sex and checked in to make sure she was enjoying the experience. They found what type of touch, stroke, caress, lick or even pinch felt good to her.

No it really isn’t rocket science. Just take your time. Be present and focus on her body. Figure out what she needs and then give it to her. I bet, you will reap the rewards of your efforts!

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